CHAPTER 1 : PROLOGUE..
"Turn the page and there is a new chapter waiting for you.." the story of my life.The journey so far,has been a series of disconnected events,where the moon seems brighter than the sun, where the steed seems to penetrate the darkest path to enter a new world, where the light at the end of the tunnel seem to fade as one approaches it.A decade and two years of experience made me realize that life is a cocktail of events where you need to stir well to get the taste.And one ingredient of this cocktail which I would share with my grandchildren when I grow old would definitely be my love.
People say love is pain, but who wants to trust them?People fall, get hurt, awaken and fall again.The USP of love has remained in a mysterious corner of a spherical world, yet we search for it like the child searches the Alchemist.And as far as I am concerned,the moment I felt like listening to my mind ,my heart took control.And today I realize the consequence of this tug of war which has given me the reason of my life.
It's often said , people cannot spend his life alone.He needs someone to share his soul with.Some spend their life in search of that someone and others try to ignore that someone no matter how close they have been.Its difficult to classify myself but to me it was a new chapter which has remained virgin since I started breathing.
CHAPTER 2 : LOVE WAS NOT IN THE AIR..
An engineering student in his third year always on the look out of unconditional love.Enjoying, partying ,carefree yet focussed.Thats how I describe my soul.Quiet, soft-spoken, careful yet lonely.Thats how I describe my love.And needless to say we did justice to the age-old belief that "opposites attract".
I never expected our love to blossom at the most unhappening place,where geeks use microwave to communicate instead of vocal chords.Never knew my attitude would make her repulsive.But if relations are knitted by destiny then the earthly mortal beings has no choice but to accept it with a pinch of amazement.This was the realization after our first meeting.She looked ,I glanced and love was the last thing that came to our mind.I was the worst person she had ever come across.Even now she wont stop snarling at that first impression.
I am still in the hunt of the moron who said first impression was the last impression.If that was true, our story would have remained a nightmare.But the beginning wasn't pleasing.She gelled with everyone else, may be to teach me a lesson.But what lesson? I had no flowery thoughts about her in my mind, I never knew destiny's plot, yet I liked her but love was definitely not in the air.
CHAPTER 3 : ADIEU..
How does it feel when your love gives a car-ride to the most iconic wannabe on this planet?(I couldn't find a better title to describe a person who changes his name to make it sound cool!!) May be it wouldn't have felt bad in the first place but later when you realize how much you love her,it surely going to strike hard.This is precisely what happened to me when I was known as an arrogant,haughty character to her.But may be one should thank ones critics for making one famous.Mr wannabe gleefully utilized the moment and tried to prove me as the cause of World War II.She, in other words a fine observer, took the trouble to peep into me and find out the truth.To my surprise,she realized that I wasn't a cursed soul.Arrogance was still a mist which took a while to clear.
We had our first lunch together.Wont call it a date though.We spoke and I realized another opposite strait in our characters.She loved reading and I'm allergic to it.But as always I admired the thought, opposites attract.She promised to help me.A promise which brought us closer.
The third day stretched us apart.It isn't a good thing when you fail to recognize your lady love in graceful ethnic attire and walk past.This is precisely what happened and unknowingly proved me again as an arrogant beast who tries to ignore people just for the sake of attitude.I must say,I have never heard of a man who had to witness so many snarls from his spouse before they tie the knot.Cupid had to be kind to bring us together at the Earth Station.Oh! I forgot to mention.It was at a training center where we started propagating love-waves and the Earth Station- a place where people interact with UFOs.
Ironically, sometimes academics do play a part in bringing people closer- the reason to make this training memorable.We used to return a quarter of our journey together.Four in the back seat and a grinning lady in the front , the layout of her white hatchback.But just like all good things, the joy ride had to end pretty fast.The day to depart,with an unpredictable future, a memorable past and a harsh reality that we may never meet again which unknowingly had kindled a faint fear in the deepest corner of our hearts.
CHAPTER 4: .....
CHAPTER 5: RIDDLE..
If luck decide the fate of a person then I must say, I'm the luckiest man alive.The sheer presence and essence of love enchants my soul and controls my conscience. It is considered a bad omen when an individual submits thyself to the whims of a living being , but it may radically work in his favor if the chosen one is synonymous to the meaning of his existence.This long philosophy apply to my life as well.Her touch triggers my soul, her lips swears my name , her mind sweeps my thoughts and her odour spreads a divine aura which compels me to surrender myself to my fate.
In the first quarter of my life I laughed out loud (lol) to the preaching of the supposedly holy priest talking about divine love and its existence.To me they were a bunch of manipulative organisms who implant beliefs in the minds of their followers to cater to their needs.But I was destined to be proved wrong.The whole meaning of my existence changed when I started to communicate with her.There was a sense of connection whenever we spoke , which forced us to keep talking even if we try to stay apart.Somewhere in the deepest corner of our conscience hid a fear,"what if?"."What if we lose each other ?"Strangely,we were bold enough to confess and end the dilemma.
Problems were many but solution was possible only if we stayed together.Needless to say that we were dependent on each other not as a parasite but symbiotic.Our life was on the edge and thankfully we dared to look beyond.Love was inevitable.I still thank her to take the first step and blame myself to make the second move.The story began with a riddle and continued since I solved it
CHAPTER N:.....
Time went by and its been a decade since I am posting something on my blog. Life has taken a U-turn. My present address is not the same as my permanent one. The journey from a college teen to a working prof has taken its toll. You have to count your chickens before it hatches, and once you fail to do ,you are way behind the artificial world. And in the middle of this rat race I started to lose myself. I may sound a different person after a long break .I hate myself now. When emotions drive a man , he is on the brink of losing his individuality. Maturity is another piece of cliche that you get to hear every alternate day when you fall back a quarter. May be just need to pull myself up abit.
Now coming to the other side of me:
How is it possible to restrict your emotions from your loved ones. Its always said , its not about reaching the destination but the journey. And its upto you whom you chose as your fellow companion.
CHAPTER N +1 :.....
I'm taking this up, may be , after a year or so since my last post. Things have changed drastically. The love has faded and given way to the demons of ego, arrogance and a sense of superiority. Probably the Satan has taken over. We talk , we shout , we disagree and we forget to forgive. The sense of "I'm better than you" has almost killed our relationship.
I will not claim that I am son of God but the mere feeling that you get, whenever you are let down by someone whom you care about, simply makes your existence tougher.
Office Kills , Work Kills , the dilemma of sacrificing better money for a field of your choice haunts me every moment. The reason being, I wanted to gift my fiancee and my parents, a better life and may be, I have let them down by letting go money.The feeling that I am earning lesser than the people whom I have made a way to switch jobs, kills me each day. I have no soul to pull me up, no one to tell me, "Dude you can do it". I don't crave for sympathy but what I do crave for, is love because that's what keeps you going.
Let me express my share of the story.
"Love" , the four letter word, which gave a meaning to my life, seems to take away each breathe now. I love her , yes I do. I feel sad , irritated and disgusted at the sights of lovers walking together. Yes I have become a cynic and I f**king don't care about it. Now , I have a bad mouth because life has made me so. I need her beside me , she doesn't understand that, and misunderstandings have become the order of the day. How can I make her feel how much I love her. Honestly , every day, every moment, I miss her , think about her. Every penny I earn , I save, so that I can go and meet her, so that I can give a good future and a name to our relationship. Yes I am dependent on the her. I feel sad and nothing works good for me when I fight with her. She has a lot of ego , fights with me for every damn reason. I work my ass off , spend sleepless nights and do an enormous journey each day just to keep her happy. Each night we fight, without myself realizing the mistakes that I have committed.Now,while writing this. my emotions are gushing out. I am sacrificing each bit of me just to make her smile and she misunderstands me each day. I am still the same and still trying to make both ends meet and keep her happy like I did 4 years back when I started my first chapter. The only difference being , her ego , the sense of I am the ugliest person she has ever met, dominates. Satan rules guys. I don't find a reason to console myself. I hate myself , feel like killing myself , the mere reason of my well being is drifting away from me each day. I have no ego , if I had i would have walked out long time back. I see people happy with their special ones and that kills me. She thinks I am all bad , may be the biggest mistake of her life but what did I do? I was criticized, to find a better job when I had one. I tried my best , may be more than my capabilities. To my friends , I am an example, but what about the person I love the most. Is she happy ? Not really, for reasons unknown. She has problem with her office. She is disturbed. I understand, and try to help her , console her but at times I expect her to aleast talk nicely, and I do have reasons to think so. I slog my day out and each time turn to her to spend some good hours. Time is just to short that we get, and I want to make full use of that. Am I wrong? Is that just too much to ask for. I am sure she will have her part of the story , her part of "accusations". I say, I accept everything but at the end of the day do I deserve being unhappy without doing a single crime. I did or try to do everything just to prove it to her, so that her family never questions her. I think of our marriage, to which I never get a positive response. She fears , I accept , but don't you think that when you take a decision , be strong enough to protect it. I never talked about marriage when I earned less. I was criticized of not being serious , now I say, and get to hear that I am pressurizing. Almighty , please tell me my fault , I have always made sure that she is respected in my family, what the hell did I get in return , nothing , just a stupid comparison to a moron who earns more than me. It hurts , pains , but I cant share. The sense of my money being less comes back to me each time, and at each point, I pull myself up for the next challenge. I never hear her say, that my job is good and she feels proud about it. Only one statement echoes , its not good enough to have a good life. Alas! I don't know whom I have chosen. I see people around me praising their guys , even for any little thing they have achieved or even yet to achieve. People should grow up , see the people around them and never be judgmental. Today my words are jumbled , grammar missing but the feel is real. I hope, wish and pray that every woman in their lifetime aleast for once appreciate the sacrifices made by their man and make them feel wanted and not just a machine to cater expectations. I know. may be, I am the worst human being she has ever met , may be her part of the story portrays me as Ravan, but still, I would keep loving her , because thats' what I'm addicted to.I hope she realizes, before I lose faith in the fading "power of Love" , a mirage in a complicated world.
CHAPTER N:.....
Time went by and its been a decade since I am posting something on my blog. Life has taken a U-turn. My present address is not the same as my permanent one. The journey from a college teen to a working prof has taken its toll. You have to count your chickens before it hatches, and once you fail to do ,you are way behind the artificial world. And in the middle of this rat race I started to lose myself. I may sound a different person after a long break .I hate myself now. When emotions drive a man , he is on the brink of losing his individuality. Maturity is another piece of cliche that you get to hear every alternate day when you fall back a quarter. May be just need to pull myself up abit.
Now coming to the other side of me:
How is it possible to restrict your emotions from your loved ones. Its always said , its not about reaching the destination but the journey. And its upto you whom you chose as your fellow companion.
CHAPTER N +1 :.....
I'm taking this up, may be , after a year or so since my last post. Things have changed drastically. The love has faded and given way to the demons of ego, arrogance and a sense of superiority. Probably the Satan has taken over. We talk , we shout , we disagree and we forget to forgive. The sense of "I'm better than you" has almost killed our relationship.
I will not claim that I am son of God but the mere feeling that you get, whenever you are let down by someone whom you care about, simply makes your existence tougher.
Office Kills , Work Kills , the dilemma of sacrificing better money for a field of your choice haunts me every moment. The reason being, I wanted to gift my fiancee and my parents, a better life and may be, I have let them down by letting go money.The feeling that I am earning lesser than the people whom I have made a way to switch jobs, kills me each day. I have no soul to pull me up, no one to tell me, "Dude you can do it". I don't crave for sympathy but what I do crave for, is love because that's what keeps you going.
Let me express my share of the story.
"Love" , the four letter word, which gave a meaning to my life, seems to take away each breathe now. I love her , yes I do. I feel sad , irritated and disgusted at the sights of lovers walking together. Yes I have become a cynic and I f**king don't care about it. Now , I have a bad mouth because life has made me so. I need her beside me , she doesn't understand that, and misunderstandings have become the order of the day. How can I make her feel how much I love her. Honestly , every day, every moment, I miss her , think about her. Every penny I earn , I save, so that I can go and meet her, so that I can give a good future and a name to our relationship. Yes I am dependent on the her. I feel sad and nothing works good for me when I fight with her. She has a lot of ego , fights with me for every damn reason. I work my ass off , spend sleepless nights and do an enormous journey each day just to keep her happy. Each night we fight, without myself realizing the mistakes that I have committed.Now,while writing this. my emotions are gushing out. I am sacrificing each bit of me just to make her smile and she misunderstands me each day. I am still the same and still trying to make both ends meet and keep her happy like I did 4 years back when I started my first chapter. The only difference being , her ego , the sense of I am the ugliest person she has ever met, dominates. Satan rules guys. I don't find a reason to console myself. I hate myself , feel like killing myself , the mere reason of my well being is drifting away from me each day. I have no ego , if I had i would have walked out long time back. I see people happy with their special ones and that kills me. She thinks I am all bad , may be the biggest mistake of her life but what did I do? I was criticized, to find a better job when I had one. I tried my best , may be more than my capabilities. To my friends , I am an example, but what about the person I love the most. Is she happy ? Not really, for reasons unknown. She has problem with her office. She is disturbed. I understand, and try to help her , console her but at times I expect her to aleast talk nicely, and I do have reasons to think so. I slog my day out and each time turn to her to spend some good hours. Time is just to short that we get, and I want to make full use of that. Am I wrong? Is that just too much to ask for. I am sure she will have her part of the story , her part of "accusations". I say, I accept everything but at the end of the day do I deserve being unhappy without doing a single crime. I did or try to do everything just to prove it to her, so that her family never questions her. I think of our marriage, to which I never get a positive response. She fears , I accept , but don't you think that when you take a decision , be strong enough to protect it. I never talked about marriage when I earned less. I was criticized of not being serious , now I say, and get to hear that I am pressurizing. Almighty , please tell me my fault , I have always made sure that she is respected in my family, what the hell did I get in return , nothing , just a stupid comparison to a moron who earns more than me. It hurts , pains , but I cant share. The sense of my money being less comes back to me each time, and at each point, I pull myself up for the next challenge. I never hear her say, that my job is good and she feels proud about it. Only one statement echoes , its not good enough to have a good life. Alas! I don't know whom I have chosen. I see people around me praising their guys , even for any little thing they have achieved or even yet to achieve. People should grow up , see the people around them and never be judgmental. Today my words are jumbled , grammar missing but the feel is real. I hope, wish and pray that every woman in their lifetime aleast for once appreciate the sacrifices made by their man and make them feel wanted and not just a machine to cater expectations. I know. may be, I am the worst human being she has ever met , may be her part of the story portrays me as Ravan, but still, I would keep loving her , because thats' what I'm addicted to.I hope she realizes, before I lose faith in the fading "power of Love" , a mirage in a complicated world.
